Love or Malnutrition?
Adventures in Male-Centered Misery: A Survival Guide for the Emotionally Ignored
Entry #1: The Harz Hike or ‘How to Be Eaten by Wolves with a Man Who Thinks He's Your God’
Ah yes, our second romantic vacation. Destination: Harz.
Expectation: bonding, nature, warmth.
Reality: 20 kilometers of forced enlightenment.
I politely (and clearly) said:
“I’m not fit. I’m not a walking-for-hours type. My body will not thank me for this.”
But of course, in true masculine-projection fashion, my voice got lost somewhere between his superiority complex and his delusion that this was a scene from Into the Wild.
I mentioned wolves. I said I was scared. The woods were getting dark.
But no – he walked ahead like the stoic, enlightened man he thought he was. Chest out. Jaw clenched. "Savior mode" activated.
Because why consider your partner’s fear when you’re busy starring in a movie inside your head?
Meanwhile, I trailed behind, anxiously scanning for glowing eyes in the bushes and wondering how many more kilometers until we reached safety or death, whichever came first.
This wasn’t bonding. It was a psychological power play.
A beautiful example of covert narcissism meets savior complex, with a sprinkle of emotional neglect and a full-course meal of masculine ego needing to feel stronger, smarter, braver.
Too bad I was the one digesting it all.
Also: shoutout to the malnutrition man-child who thought basic empathy was optional.
Entry #2: The Breakfast That Never Was – Or How Starvation Became My Love Language
First vacation. Remember that?
I do. My body does.
Because this man made me wait until 12 to eat. 12.
Why?
Because he didn’t feel like having breakfast earlier.
And naturally, his appetite was the gold standard of time.
“We’ll eat when I want to.”
Translation: Your hunger isn’t real. Your needs are flexible.
Mine are holy.
So there I was: hungry, cold, walking through some frosty town on an empty stomach because this was his timeline.
I remember thinking:
Is this a relationship or am I auditioning for a role in The Revenant?
Again, not a vacation.
A test of endurance.
A slow burn lesson in how the anxious-preoccupied partner twists herself to survive in the avoidant man's world.
Spoiler: She still ends up cold and hungry.
Working Title for the Book:
“Emotional Malnutrition”